Lord of the Dance

Dear Mystery Co-worker,

Thank you for practicing your irish folk dance moves in the break room while you are waiting for your leftovers to be warmed in our microwave. I applaud your time management skills. And thank you for facing the other direction so that I could film you. I only wish I had started recording sooner. These 5 meager seconds left me wanting more. As you were.

Looooove,

Kristin

P.S. this is real. I heart BYU.

Forever.

Dibs on having this as my wedding song. I've done it here, in front of the world wide interwebs. One of my friends had never heard of it. So I started singing it to her in my best Uncle Jesse voice.... and I drew a blank. I got through the first line(which is tender enough) but that just wouldn't cut it. A song with so much feeling needed to be heard uninterrupted. A young gentleman then proceeded to look up the video on YouTube (on his phone) so that as many of us as could crowd around would be able to enjoy it in all its splendor. Feast upon this tenderness:



I mean look at him shrugging his little shoulders to the beat of that song while he wails on that piano.

This WILL be my wedding song. And I will just die. Only my dress will not be nearly as awesome as Aunt Becky's. And I will use the version recorded by the Beach Boys in 1970 because Jesse and the Rippers will have no place at my reception what with their tight pants and mullets and frizzy haired bimbo groupies. Although I'm sure John Stamos would be honored to grace me with his presence.

Brad Paisely Memories

I was organizing the files on my computer today and I came across this gem. It's a recording of Brad singing "I Thought I Loved You Then" at his concert in September. Don't worry. Lisa and I are in the frontest front row. We comment during this video accordingly. Also, the audio picked up some man singing it horribly who was standing next to us. And Brad looked at him like, dude: shut the freak up. Just watch the whole thing. You won't be sorry.

Booth Family Values

I said: "Gluteus Maximus"

He said: "More like beauty-ous Maximus"


This was said by a usually extremely polite boy. I admit I'm a little disappointed I didn't come up with it myself. Great right?

Don't worry Dad, he wasn't coming on to me. And sorry Mom, he wasn't coming on to me. He is just a buddy. I was going to just make this a short little quote of the day, but now all these less endearing references to derrieres keep popping into my head. Especially this one which was widely propagated by a Ms. Salt and Ms. Peppa circa the early 90's:

"I wanna thank yo' motha for a butt like that."

Unfortunately, no one can thank my mother for a butt like that. And well, you can't stop the blog wheels in my head once they start turning. I feel that at this time I need to squash the widespread and automatic assumption that certain assets have maternal origins. The Booth Butt is just that, a genetically Booth trait. A family heirloom, if you will. It is passed down from generation to generation, manifesting itself more prominently in some than in others. I'm sure I could scrape up some candid family photos depicting my point, but I feel that would embarrass far too many people and at least one of them would attempt to assassinate me. Maybe someday I'll dedicate an entire scrapbook to the subject and keep it privately and safely confined away from the viral spread of humiliating information known as the internet. And if I were a more crass individual I would point out the well rounded appearance of several words in this paragraph that contain the letters s, a, and s.... used right next to each other and in a better order. Have fun going back and looking for them. I know you will.

I used to think that I had somehow managed to escape the inheritance of the mark of the Booth. When I was in junior high I was extremely fit and tiny. Sometimes I even mourned the absence of curves in a certain bodily geometric plane. But when this commercial came out, I inwardly rejoiced.



Once I got to high school not a whole lot changed, although I did possess hips and thighs that inspired certain HILARIOUS (no wait, obnoxious) boys to set in motion stories such as this. Still. Not really a Booth Butt.

Then. I went to college. And discovered Nutella. My weight has fluctuated in the last 5 years between 150 and 195 pounds. Right now the needle on the scale rests somewhere in the middle and I don't care to discuss it. The point is this:

Of all the weight I've gained (or lost) over the years, hardly any of it has ever taken up residence in my midsection. I'm about 25 pounds overweight right now. Welcome, Booth Butt. You have found your place with me at last.

A Video Zoo

That is what my blog has become, a crazy video zoo. But if I can share little gems like this with the world.....




Call me a chimp and throw me some popcorn.

OMGlee

This is the quote of the decade.... and if it would translate as well into text maybe I would just type it. BUT its not so much what she says (which is mildly offesive)... it's the way she delivers the line that is priceless. This is a clip from the judge's room after a glee club competition. The choir she is talking about is from a school for the deaf.

Letters to Juliet

How many times did I just watch this trailer in a row, you ask? 5. In a row. That's a good 15 minutes of pure awesome. Watch it. Then we will discuss:

HOLY macaroni I want to see this so badddddd.

First of all, Italy is beautiful.

Second of all, references to Shakespeare are always appreciated. Do you think the old bard has had his temple work done? And do you think he accepted it? I hope so. I very much want to hang out with him some day in the great beyond and talk about human nature and the grand scheme of things. He's so witty. That was a tangent I did not expect but my mind is tired and I indulge its little quirks whilst blogging. ANNNNYway.

Third of all, old people make me really emotional. The part where she is just standing there and he rides up on his horse and Taylor Swift's "Love Story" is playing in the background... and then they just look at eachother. MAN. Goosebumps. Every. Stinking. Time. I can't even help it. I love love. I love old love. I love long lost old love being rekindled. I love young love appreciating old love. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. The word love looks mighty funny to my brain right now.

Fourth of all, "The greatest love story ever told is your own" flashes up on the screen, and at some point the young man is running somewhere urgently in formal wear and you just KNOW something big is about to go down. And there's the pretty little girl. And they just look at eachother.

End Scene.

There isn't much info up on IMDb yet, but one thing I do know it that doesn't come out until May 7th 2010. Looking at that date makes me feel like I would need a time machine to ever watch it, but really it's only 6 months away. I think it is so strange that we are in the twenty-tens almost. Where the freak is my robotic dog and flying car?

I got a New way to Walk... (walk walk)...

Here's the thing about the world wide web. I can be thinking about Sesame Street for no good reason on a snowy Saturday afternoon, type the lyrics to my favorite Sesame Street song into Google, find an ancient clip of it on YouTube, and entertain myself with puppet pigs in sassy outfits for a good 5 minutes. We live in an amazing age.

I have thought about this clip many a time over the last umpteen years. No one else I have ever talked to besides my sisters remembers it, and I haven't seen it since I was really tiny. I am inordinately happy to have finally found it. Of all the hours of Sesame Street I have ever watched, I think this segment has influenced my cognitive development the most, for better or for worse. It is a catchy little song about walking with confidence and attitude, sung by the "Oinker Sisters" who are all decked out in 80's pop-star attire. This clip may have had something to do with my zesty attitude as a wee little lass. It also could have influenced my decision to ask my teacher Ms. Sally to write out that I was going to be a movie star when I grew up on my pre-school diploma. And I am certain that I walked and talked with more confidence than any 5 year old should ever possess. Whether I liked this clip because I was already sassy, or I liked being sassy as a result of this clip, the world may never know. Most likely it was a combination of nature vs. nurture as most development tends to be. Either way, these muppet pigs were my idols. You will not be sorry you watched this:

(5 dollars to whoever can determine what the intended nationality of the 'cowboy' music executive was... Irish? Scottish? Swedish?)

In case you missed it:

*None of these sassy pigs are wearing pig pants. Scandalous.

*Please notice the way they throw back their snouts in awesomeness after every phrase of the chorus.

*There is a fake mole on the lead singer's pig face, despite the fact that she has a very weird baby voice during the speaking part.

*I was always baffled by the way the pigs defied gravity by walking straight up one side of the giant "WALK" sign and then straight down the other side. How DID they do it? Amazing.

And yet, it never occurred to me that they were made of Muppet foam.

Carrie Underwood Has An Unfortunate Name

Has anyone really ever heard or said her name without smirking? I can't help but think "HAA HAA Carrie UNDERWEAR" any time I see or hear her name. I slay myself. I know. I'm mature. But really though. She may as well have made her stage name Carrie Panties or Carrie Boxer-briefs. It makes me think of the way Cory always used to say "UNDEH PANTSSSS" on Boy Meets World. In fact. Lets watch that for a second....




Oh man. It never gets old. Anyway. I love Carrie Underwood (hee hee). I think she has a beautiful voice and she is a classy lady.

I am a picky music listener. A song must sound nice yes, but if it is lacking in the lyrics department I get tired of it really easily. On the other hand, I sometimes enjoy songs that are lacking in the melodious musical department because I am a sucker for a witty set of words. I think this explains my love affair with rap music. BUT. If a rap song has a sucky beat it is dead to me. On the mutant third hand, every now and then there comes along a special song with just the right combination of wit and musical integrity. Such songs are rare and I treasure them.

I have listened to Ms. Undehpants new album and I love love love a couple of her songs. Neither of them fall into the excellent third category of awesomeness, but they are fun. One of them is called Cowboy Casanova. It basically badmouths shady cowboys who are liars. For some crazy reason I enjoy that. I mean, somehow, on some absolutely mystifying level I indentify with that message. And the song is catchy. And it makes me want to buy a pair of cowboy boots for the express purpose of kicking cowboy casanovas where they deserve it. You may interpret that however you want. The back up dancers in the music video are kind of hoochtacular, so I have posted one of those ridiculous youtube audio-only "videos". But with LYRICS. And fancy colors.



A snake with blue eyes huh? Hmm. Who'da thunk. Innnnnnnteresting. Okay enough of that.

The other song of hers I love is called Quitter. It starts out sounding pretty cheesey, but the bridge and chorus just make me happy okay. OKAY?!!! No lyrics here, but you can just look at her pretty little face while you listen to it if you want. If you really hate it, before you judge me at least listen to the second verse. Starting at 1:25.



I don't think I have ever included 3 youtube videos in one post. Huzzah. Yay for the Tube of You. Hip Hip Hooray for technologay.

Shocked and Appalled.

I cannot even believe this is real. Someone showed me this today and I seriously almost had a rage problem for a second. Elbows? Ya. Whatever. Slide tackles... they happen. But almost breaking someones neck with their own pony tail? I seriously sat there with my mouth open for like 5 minutes. We won. Put that in your pipe and smoke it you drunken witch.

Who wants to go grocery shopping?

The Little Darling

I can only hope to have a kid so freaking hilarious and sassy. I love this child. How can I raise my kids to have accents?

FOR. REAL.

Never Been Kissed was on TV tonight. I love every single thing about the ending of this movie. Seriously. It gets me.... every. single. time. It doesn't matter how many times I see it. It makes my little heart want to explode. So I wanted to share. This is the first time I've been able to find both parts on youtube to be able to post it. I wish there were continuity because you really do need to watch both parts right next to each other. But whatever. Start here, and listen to the dialogue. Ya, it's long. Whatever. It's worth it:

OMG why did it have to stop there?? I know right.... Don't worry. I found Part Deux....

Okay so here's why I love it.

1. The boss man keeps saying "I've got weiners!" in the funniest excited voice ever.

2. Drew Barrymore actually looks cute for the first time in the whole movie.

3. I love Molly Shannon.

4. BEACH BOYS. "Don't Worry Baby" melts my heart. Seriously. I can't listen to that song without being sooooo happy.

5. When she drops the microphone my heart always stops and I get a little misty eyed. Every time.

6. When she realizes he showed up, her face is priceless.

7. I love that he JOGS out there, and then just walks straight up to her and kisses her without even saying anything, and the camera spins around as he does it and it is just so great.

8. I love that everyone starts kissing, but then the one girl totally has to hit the creeper with her purse.

9. "Sorry I'm late, it took me forever to get here...."

"I know what you mean."

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

I love it.

Sometimes It Seems Impossible

Sometimes it seems impossible, and that's why we pray.

The Girl All the Bad Guys Want

Does anyone remember that song by Bowling for Soup? It is epic. Well, I was reminded of its existence this morning when I got hollered at by a construction worker on my way to the office. Let's revisit the one of the best / worst days of gym class during my sophomore year of high school. Come along with me, on a magical journey.

(cue the wiggly screen and dream sequence harp music)

Once upon a time at dear old Davis High School, I had to take "fit for life"... You know. The gym class lovingly referred to as "fit for death" and "run for you life" by all the ill fated underclassman who abandoned hope, all those who entered the field house.

I rarely ever wore shorts to gym class, because I was ashamed of my white legs and bodacious hips. But one week toward the end of the school year it was soo blazingly hotter than hades that I had no choice.

Most of our class time this fateful day was spent out on the track. We had a scheduled 25 minute run during which we were not allowed to stop to walk or take a rest. Jogging for 25 minutes? Anyone who knows me knows that this is not my style. I would rather exercise by riding a bike or playing sports. I truly believe that running is only good for running for your life, so I try to avoid it at all costs. My fastest mile run on record in the history of the world was 9 minutes flat, even as a spry young 8th grader. You can imagine the kind of mood I was already in when minute 15 rolled around.

My pace was always crazy slow and I rarely jogged along side anyone else. So there I was, just trudging away on the track in my seldom worn gym shorts all by my white self when I heard a raucous group of boys coming up behind me. They were lapping me for the 2nd time. Right as they passed me the ring leader of the idiot troop asked in a less than subtle voice:

"Who is that girl?! .... Look at her butt jiggle!"

I kid you not. This was not a kid I had ever been fond of, EVER, because he bullied shy awkward people. Even shy awkward adults and old people. I gave him a piece of my mind probably once a week, but this time I was seriously dumb founded. By the time I thought of something equally rude to say to him he was already 50 yards in front of me, and I'd be darned if I started sprinting to say even one word to the jerk. So I just let it pass.

I kept on running for the rest of the period and tried to will my bum to stop jiggling, but to no avail. I went in to the locker room and changed back into my regular clothes after class as always, but this time I was very aware of my bodily imperfections. After I changed I didn't try very hard to redo my makeup or fix my hair because the self confidence gods were already frowning on me that day. Frowning and shooting spit wads.

Defeated and thirsty, I quickly walked out of the locker room into the commons room in the "old" Davis High building to get a drink. Unluckily for me, I was going to have to walk straight through a clearing in the commons area most commonly inhabited by the most obnoxious senior guys ever, because they had long ago dibsed ALL the benches around the drinking fountain for themselves.

(Pause dream sequence... wiggly picture, harp music)

Back to the song. It's crucial to the ending of this story. Please take a moment to view the music video, courtesy the Tube of You (and the weird kid who decided to add the lyrics. Whatever. It suits my purpose magnificently.)

And it really isn't a fake video, it just takes a second to start.



Anyway. Now that the lyrics are fresh in your head. I'll finish my story.

(Resume dream sequence.)

So there I was, a single girl bravely taking a risky walk through a room filled with jack-aces. Most of the girls were still in the locker room because they were trying to un-sweaty themselves, but there were plenty of guys lined up against the walls everywhere. As I passed through this gauntlet of self consciousness toward the drinking fountain, it got really quiet, and some guy dramatically belted out the following words:



"... And when she waaaaaaalks.... all the wind blows annnnd the Angels Siiiiingggg......!!!"


But no one laughed or made any kind of negative comment about my posterior. I finished getting my drink and walked away, my head a little higher than it had been on the way out of the locker room. If ever there were a confidence booster, that was the best one I had ever heard.

And so, it was one of the best/worst days of my life for my confidence/self consciousness ever. Thank you, dirty construction worker, for reminding me of this memorable treasure of an experience.

Do, do do do do Da da Da da DA

I dare you not to get this song stuck in your head. You won't be able to do it. I LOOOOOVE this movie. And I love this scene. I have a weakness for attractive guys and little white christmas lights. And I want to be this girl.

Facebook Hiatus.

I have put myself on a week-long facebook hiatus because I just know I am not going to have time to waste this week. I have too much homework. So in the meantime I will probably be blogging more when I take a break from writing papers. I mean, I can only blog for so long whereas I can spend an infinite amount of time on facebook. Its a good plan okay leave me alone. Gah. Anyway, I'm also going to be taking a break from TV. I just decided that just now. Mostly because my real point in writing this post was to share with you all one of my new favorite commercials.

Ya, I shouldn't have favorite commercials right now. Hence the TV ban. Anyway, this makes me giggle super hard. Mostly just the cyclist and the man doing the hammer dance. Enjoy.

Fainting.

Every time I have stood up today I have seriously felt like fainting. This concerns me. I do not like it when my face goes numb. The last time I really, really fainted was in my 10th grade Human Biology class. We were studying blood. Since my teacher just happened to be diabetic and totally comfortable with making himself bleed, he decided that it would be an awesome idea to do a lab on blood. With his blood. Which is totally disgusting and now that I think about it, probably a major health code violation. Anyway. He bled. I witnessed it. I asked to go to the bathroom but he didn't answer me, so I blindly wandered toward the door as the blood (ironic) drained from my head. All of a sudden I couldn't see or hear, and I was sitting on the floor wanting to throw up in the worst way. It was awesome. NOT. I'm getting all queasy just thinking about it. Bleghghhgg. Fainting. Not fun. don't try it. Here is a collage of fainting goats. Enjoy.

Will Ferrell. As Satan.

How did I ever forget about this? We used to watch "The Best of Will Ferrell" like.. every week freshman year. And I just remembered why:


Will Ferrell writes a song for garth brooks - Watch more

Sorry about the swears.

Ohhh Regina.

I love this music video almost as much as I love the song. Because the heart breaking is a good thing! She is so poetic that Regina.