Back in Black

This post has nothing to do with the color black, just mostly to do with the fact that I'm back.

I almost just wrote something really clever and funny and possibly offensive anecdote, but I'm not going to go there because I don't want to offend anyone. And if it's offensive, is it REALLY truly funny? I think not.

Today, I'm just going to organize some of the thoughts I had while I was driving down the freeway on my way to pick up some free closet doors. We'll save the rest of my saved up, juicy, blog-worthy stories for later posts. 


The subject of the LDS (or Mormon) religion has been swirling around with record exposure as Mitt Romney's presidential campaign has become front page news. This type of exposure can go two ways: good or bad. When it's bad, it's really bad... but when it's good it's awesome. There are a lot of rumors, misinterpretations, and actual truths about the church that have been brought up and discussed and ignored and refuted on a scale the LDS church has never seen. 


Not surprisingly, some of the early leaders of the church have once again come under public scrutiny. I have heard a fair amount criticism of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young in the media lately. Although I'd love to say that my confidence in the church and my testimony of the Gospel are untouchable entities far above any worldly attacks, I AM human. Hearing the inflammatory accusations and deliberate twisting of historical facts which paint our early church leaders as despicable evil liars DOES in fact bother me.

I have spent hours upon hours in the last few years pondering and studying and praying in hopes of gaining a stronger testimony of the events which took place in the early church, as well as building up a better emotional defense against seemingly tireless verbal and literary assailants.

This brings me back to my experience this morning. I have always accepted that the Lord's ways are not always (read: rarely) understood by his children. Even so, I have been confused and frustrated at times by historical occurrences and doctrinal principals for which I was unable to immediately fathom a rational purpose with my mortal mind. While driving along and reflecting, casually thinking about the progress I've made in this area of my life, a wonderful thought entered my mind. All at once I realized that it really just comes down to this:

The church is not about what anyone did 200 years ago. It's about what Jesus Christ did for us 2000 years ago.

If we can't remember this, we're missing the point. All of the Lord's prophets, apostles, disciples and followers who have ever walked the earth have been mortal men and women. We are all imperfect beings in a fallen world. Let's not let the misunderstood or yet unexplained actions and choices of fellow mortals distract us from the divine purpose and direction the Lord has in store for our existence. Jesus Christ perfectly balances an equation for which we have absolutely no hope of finding the solution to on our own. In a perfect world, I would always remember that. 

I miss you, blog.

The hardest part about not having the interwebs at my apartment in Provo is not being able to blog sufficiently. It pierces me to my very core. I pretty much have to use my phone for all of my leisurely internet activites. And there is no blogger app for blackberry.

 I HATE TOUCHSCREENS OKAY?!?!?!?

Soooo... the only time I would actually be able to blog would be:

1. At work. No.

I pretty much have no downtime there lately (except right now... which probably isn't even actually downtime. Don't tell on me).

2. At the library. No.

I only go to the library when it's business time. And when I say business time, I mean I have procrastinated a project so sorely that I must force myself to work on it from dawn until dusk. Or like, 3 hours. Whichever comes first.

3. At a friend's house. No.
Yes. I do have study parties with my bffs.... but those are STRICTLY for studying. And youtube.



So, I'm sorry, Blog. This must be really awkward for you, running into me this way. Such a short and thoughtless post after so long. It makes me feel kind of like this:





But maybe, someday, when I live somewhere with internet access, it will feel like this:





Uh..... Maybe not like that. But. You know what I mean.

Also. Never seen that music video until just now. Celine. You kill me.

Rapper Names Atwittering...

I have become addicted to Twitter. It may have something to do with the fact that I only get internet on my PHONE when I'm at my house.... but either way, I'm a tweeting fool. My original user name was kristinmbooth... but the internet is all atwitter with creeps and I don't think I want my full name oot and aboot in the tweet world. So... I've been experimenting with new usernames... trying to find one that is available.... and since soooo many are already taken... it spiraled out of control and I quickly turned into my own female rapper-name generator. It unfolded a little like this:

kbooth - Unavailable
kmbooth - Unavailable
kmay - Unavailable
kmaybooth - Available (Option 1)
kboothy - Unavailable
kmboothy - Available (Option 2)

(But do I really want both my first initials AND my last name?)

Kbizzle - Unavailable
Kstar - Unavailble (As dubbed by B-nock)
Kbizzooth - Available (Rapper option 1)
Kbeezy - Unavailable
Kbreezy - Unavailable
Kmbizzooth - Available (Rapper Option 2... but bizzooth is pretty weird)
kboo - Unavailable
kmizzlebizzle - Available (Rapper Option 3. Why so many available rap names?)
kladybizzle - Available (Rapper Option 4)

HOLD UP.

Did I just seriously check to see if "kladybizzle" was an available twitter user name?

Ya. It definitely happened. And now I can't think of any more normal names. Just rapper names. They keep flooding into my head! The possibilities are endless! I could also be:

kladyswag
kmaybreezy
kglitterbeezy
kbizzlefresh
Ksassyb
ktothebreezy
KtotheBizzo
ksparklefresh
kladyfresh (Feminine Deodorizer?)
Kswizzbeatz
KrizzleBizzle
kglitterfesh
kbizzle4rizzle


ALL. AVAILABLE.

What may even be more troubling than the fact that I thought of them... is that these ones were all taken:

kswizzle
kswizz
ksweezy
kswizzbeatz
ktothehizzo
kbreezy
kristizzle (Papa Booth calls me that sometimes. For real. So I called him Snoop Dad. Or Snoop Daddy. Or something.)

They're pretty much the same person....
So. Let me know if you're thinking of getting into the rap buziness (accidental Z. How gone is my brain?) and I will hook you up with a sweet and original rapper name, courte(z)y of my fried mind. I think I've settled on kmaybooth so make sure you @ me correctly. And. I am open to using a name based on the results of a popularity vote on the available rapper names presented above.

Premeditated Violence

So basically, Lie to Me is one of my favorite shows of all time.

I've only ever seen it (every episode available) on Netflix, but from what I understand it doesn't do too bad for itself in the real world of TV either. The characters run a lab dedicated to detecting lies through facial expressions in order to solve mysteries/get criminals to confess/find missing persons, etc.

It's based on Paul Ekman's real-life study on mapping and reading the facial expressions. Some expressions are believed to be universal to human emotion, regardless of cultural context. Throughout the show, scenes are punctuated by flashing pictures of public figures displaying the same expressions as the characters in the episode.

For example, scorn looks like this:



And guilt looks like this:



And contempt looks like this:



Etc. It's awesome. I hate liars, and I love this show.

Anyway. Now for my story:

I was working out the other day (read: going running for the first time in 2 months), and although it was a little rough, I thought I was enjoying myself. I go to the Provo Rec center, which is pretty small and a little shabby, but I love it all the same. I was on a treadmill right next to a wall with floor to ceiling mirrors. For the most part, I avoided eye contact with myself because working out isn't a pretty color on me.

HOWEVER. I looked at the mirror at one point, and I actually recognized the facial expression I was unconsciously making. I had been exposed to it a few times while watching Lie to Me. It looked a little something like this:



Seriously. The first girl in the frame could have been my work-out face twin.


This still flashed into my mind as I was looking at myself in the mirror, and I scared the crap out of myself and almost lost my balace on the treadmill.

Why, you ask? Aside from being a little shocking in and of itself, this expression, my friends, appears only on the faces of people intending to commit premeditated acts of violence. Like murder.

No joke.

So according to Dr. Ekman, working out makes me want to kill people. Doesn't sound too far off.

The End.

P.S. The internet at my house stopped working, so I have to blog in a lab on campus. My life is really hard.

P.P.S. The kid next to me is presently picking his nose and looking at it. I heart BYU.