Sunday, April 17, 2011

Childhood Horrors and Dove Hauntings

My blogging skills are rusty.... but I feel like I need to document a bit of recent deja-vu that reminded me of some the ridiculous things I was afraid of as a child. I was sitting on my front porch yesterday, soaking up some sun, drinking gatorade, and eating sour gummy worms when I heard this sound:

>
It's a mourning dove, right? ...  WRONG.
That my friends, is the sound of fear.

Once upon a time when I was probably 5-ish and Nicole was probably 2-ish, we decided we wanted to swing on the swings in our back yard. Mom put us on the swings, gave us each a little push, and then went inside to fold laundry. Tami and Jackie were at school, and I wasn't used to being alone in our back yard without an older sibling or an adult. I was already particularly nervous being out there at all because our neighbor's 20 billion cats sometimes walked along our fences, and they scared the bejeebees out of me.

I tried to ignore the cat possibilities and focus on the task at hand. As I was swinging away, ready to dart at the first sign of a cat, I remembered that a nasty possum lived in our back yard. It made it's home in the crack between our fence and the neighbor's house. I began obsessively watching the fence as I swung, because even though I had never actually seen the thing, I just KNEW that at any moment, the evil possum was going to climb out and start harassing me. The more I thought about it, the more likely it was that the possum knew that me and Nicole were out there unsupervised. We were sitting ducks! I froze on my swing. It could attack at any moment! And then, right when I thought I couldn't take it any more.. I heard this sound:

And I assumed it must have been the possum, howling at me through a hole in our fence. I booked it out of there as fast as I could, leaving defenseless little Nicole for possum food. I ran back into the house, relieved to have escaped the clutches of the wicked rodent who had taken over our backyard.
I was inside for a couple minutes before my mom walked into the living room and noticed I was there. She looked at me, horrified, and talk-squeal-scream-asked me where Nicole was. I shrugged my shoulders and told her she was probably still outside. She looked at me and asked-said "You left her out there all by herself!?!?" ... as if I had just knowingly fed my little sister to a monster (which, technically, I thought I had).
She ran outside and came back in with Nicole in her arms. Nicole may have been crying. That part of the memory is foggy. But I know I got in trouble for it. And from that day forward I refused to ever play in the backyard without an older sibling or parent. I knew the possum would never dream of showing its ugly face if someone bigger was outside playing with me. As I got older, I decided that the sound I kept hearing couldn't have been a possum, so for the second half of my childhood I assumed the sound came from a friendly little owl that lived in my neighbor's palm tree. Still a little creepy I'd say. In real life, it was a dove. But every time I hear that freaking dove call, a shiver still runs down my spine. Gew.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Dear Nienie,

I'm officially breaking up with you. I used to read your blog religiously. You have a very inspiring story, and I know you have had a really hard life. But I do not want to see pictures of your kid drooling from his crusty-chocolate-snot-mouth anymore, nor do I ever want to see a montage of your dog pooping and then eating his own excrement ever again.

It's over.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Mondays

Mondays oh I hate mondays... they make me-hee so steamed.

WEEEEEEkend I wait for the WEEEEEEEEEkend. Uh uhuh uh uh uh uhhhhhh.



Will Ferrel-as-the-devil, you understand my heart.

It was warm this morning. Then it windy-ed. Then it rained. Then it snowed. Then it sunny-ed. I haven't realllllly blogged in a good ole while. I've been busy. With what you say?

  • Looking for a new place to rent - I just want to live out the rest of my BYU days in a cozy and cheap little student housing house, Okay???? They are great. I'll update you when I make a final decision.
  • Trying to sell my contract - Girls get crazy. That's all I'm going to say about THAT.
  • Going to work - Just when I think I've heard it all, I talk to another cuckoo head that blows my mind. It keeps me on my toes.
  • Going to school - All I'm going to say, is that I DOMINTATED school this semester. Straight A-'s on all my midterms so far. Booyaaah seasonal depression, Booyah.
  • Working out (almost) every day - I have done 18 out of 21 days in my second attempt at the thirty day shred. But sometimes I just was sick. Or needed to rest. Or was lazy. So, I made up for lost time on Saturday by doing level 2 Twice within one hour. Holy freaking smokes. I was basically a big lump of unresponsive Jello for most of the day after that. But my legs are sexy. I can't lie.
  • Watching March Madness - I have turned into a basketball-watching freakshow. Do I have a TV? No. But I have friends with TVs. AND.....ESPN.com is the BOMB. And my bracket is freaking trashed. Thanks Purdue. I had you in the championship game you hussy.
  • Growing flowers - I have a feeling this attempt is going to fail yet again. But I just like it.
  • Keeping my room clean. Yes. That's right. At this moment in time a pen, a belt, and my scriptures are the only things on my floor. (Okay plus one shirt and some books you can't see. But whatever.) I'm a grown up with a clean room. I seriously just took this picture on a whim while I was in the middle of writing this blog, just to illustrate my point:
Ya. I'm that awesome.

I'm also wearing a pair of jeans that were too small for me three weeks ago.

Win win win.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Quiet and Loud

I feel like there are two types of boys at BYU. The quiet gentleman, and the rowdy jerk. WHY oh WHY can't there be a rowdy gentleman? I just don't do well with quiet boys. I feel like I'm a super loud freakshow whenever I'm around them. But... I get along GREAT with semi-rowdy boys. You know. Funny and loud when its appropriate, quiet and respectful when appropriate. I've met (dated) a few of these semi-rowdy boys, and you know what? They have all been Jerkface McJerkersons. Seriously. Quiet nice boys hold the door open for me when I'm walking into a building. Semi-rowdy boys never do. Quiet nice boys don't kiss other girls faces when they are supposed to be dating only one girl. Semi-rowdy boys do. But quiet nice boys don't make my heart go all a flutter. But nice semi-rowdy boys do.

I just want a semi-rowdy boy who is not a jerk.

Thank you and goodnight.