So Tell Me About Your Christmas Break? P.S. DO NOT EAT KFC

Most memorable Christmas break ever? Probably.

Let's start with a housemate secretly moving out the day after finals ended. Curious.

Then, lets add a foot of snow to jolly old provo.

Always a pleasure, I got cussed out on my last phone call on my last day of work before Christmas.... (Dec 22nd). Happy Holidays!

The next day, in K-town with the fam, our puppy Lady decided to ingest and then regurgitate what appeared to be a nylon sock.

Commence the unending puppy up-chuck-athon that lasted through Christmas. Lady barfed on me approximately 5 times. And it was hot. As in extremely warm. Not as in attractive. I would say 10% of her barf landed on my person. There was a lot of barfing going on.

After 2 previously unsuccessful vet visits, we decided to take the little darling to the animal ER. On Christmas Day.

I'm feeling a little bit queasy as I write this, so I'm just going to cut to the chase. Lady ate a sock. Part of it got stuck inside her digestional tract. The doctor used a magic wand and fairy dust to make it disappear. And now Lady is all better.


If you have a weak stomach, do not read the next paragraph.

***

Fairy dust my eye. They cut her open. The doctor then proceeded to show me her intestines to explain what the problem was so that we could decide whether to continue operating or put her to sleep. After about 3 minutes of nodding and talking to the doctor calmly while he played with the puppy guts, I half-fainted into a chair. And after being scooted/dragged out of the operating room, threw up into a garbage can. Merry Christmas. But the end result is the same.... Lady seems to be recovering quite nicely.

***

It's now safe to read again.

The last few days have been pretty wonderful. With the puppy barf under control and a few days to just sit around and take a break, I've loved every minute of it.
Can you imagine my Christmas Break getting any better? Oh, it's about to.

Today I drove back down to Provo to get ready for work on Monday and school on Tuesday. After running a few errands, I realized I hadn't really eaten much today. So I decided to treat myself to some KFC. I just like friend chicken okay???!!!!

While I was on my last piece of chicken in my little meal, something weird fell off of the meat onto my napkin. Well. More like two something weirds. I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it: (The rest of this blog is not safe for queasy readers.)

There was a chicken "kidney" stuck to one of the pieces in my meal. It looks like a tiny little brain. Literally. Just like one. AND. An unidentified object which looks conspicuously similar to a chicken claw/toe.

Am I kidding right now? No. I am not. I googled "chicken brain in my KFC" and aparently what I found was a chicken kidney, and it is not the first time someone has found one in their KFC. If you are brave enough to find out what it looked like, click here .

Unfortunately, I probably can't sue them because it didn't pose a health risk. But I will never be the same. NEVER.

And I really have no more words.
........

Happy Freaking New Year.

Explain Your Miracles

Dear Ms. Jillian Michaels,

You are one shady and mystical beezy. Your powers astound me. Riddle me this: How is it possible that I now actually crave and enjoy vegetables? EH? And how on earth do you will me to not only endure, but vigorously participate in your merciless workouts from beginning to end? Without stopping. Sure, toward the end there I had to imagine that I was battling Satan for my soul, the conditions being that if I gave up working out, I would be sent to hell. But still. I finished. And FURTHERMORE. How is it physically possible for me to still be sweating 20 minutes AFTER I get out of a cool shower? Hmmmmm?

Ya. You think about that. I want answers.

Love,

Me

P.S. Thank you for my shapely legs and ever shrinking arm fat... you wicked sorceress of cardio.

Jillian Michaels is the boss of me.

I just wrote a huge blog post. And then it mysteriously deleted itself. And I'm burning mad. But whatever. Here's the point of the blog post:

I'm greatful for my body.

I decided I should take better care of it.

I started making myself exercise and I like it.

I eat as much and as often as I like.

and I have lost 6 pounds in 10 days.

And Jillian Michaels is the boss of me.

The End.

You know how I know I've gone crazy?

Let me count the ways.....

1. I haven't posted a really awesome blog in FOREVER. And nothing has annoyed me enough lately to deem that it "must go".

2. I have at least B's in (all?) my classes.

3. I've been eating more fruits and vegetables than anything else for the last 2 weeks. And I have loved it. WTFreak.

4. I went running tonight. It was 30 degrees outside.

5. Jillian Michaels is the boss of me.

6. I did a legit headstand and "bridge" for the first time since oh I don't know... Mrs. Gentry's dance class circa the mid 90's?

7. I went out on a (gasp) awesome date and didn't even blog about it. DIDN'T EVEN BLOG ABOUT ITTTTTT.

8. Chopped off all my hair.

9. Dropped my curling iron in the toilet. While it was on.

10. Bought 20 dollars worth of socks at Ross. And 20 dollars goes a long way at that joint....

11. The boss ladies gave me a significant raise last week... as in, double the amount that the maximun is supposed to be. Just because they think I'm the bomb.com employee. What?

12. I took skunky through the car wash today. For some reason it didn't occur to me that Skunky is about as water resistant as a sea sponge. I got sprayed. Oh did I ever get sprayed.

13. My closet is organized.

14. My legs have stayed consistently shaved for well over a month.

15. I only have 19.5 more credits to go until BYU will have to give me a degree. Muahhahahahha!

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME????

IS THIS REAL LIFE?