Sunday, October 3, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Lortab Dreams
The other night I had a dream that I was being chased through a building by someone bad. I don't know who exactly it was that was chasing me, but it wasn't really a nightmare, because I was winning. Every time I turned a corner into a seemingly dead end, there would be a random escape route. Like a door. Or a staircase. Or an air duct. Or a trap door. Or a pole to slide down. Or a ladder to climb. Or a pipe to crawl through. Seriously. One of the trippiest and enjoyable dreams of all time.
THEN SUDDENLY
I was at a summer camp with my old roommate Michelle, and we were really concerned about being able to shave our legs before we went to the camp cafeteria for lunch. Once we were on our way to eat, in the distance I could see a Moose. Pushing a lawn mower with its nose. Just you know, mowing the woods.
AND THEN
I was at home. And for some reason, a baby cougar and baby wolf kept getting into our house to play with our dog Lady. Which was distressing, because there was a giant scary bear outside skiing down the mountain who really wanted to be reunited with the baby animals. So I took a picture of the baby cougar. But the baby cougar was actually a baby human, dressed in a baby cougar costume. It never actually looked like a baby cougar.
AND THEN
It was suddenly a year later, and my cousin Alex and his wife Kristine had adopted the cougar baby. But the baby hadn't aged. (Mysterious.)
And then I woke up. And I remember thinking to myself, "I really need to blog about that dream. Mostly just the part about the moose mowing the lawn in the woods."
But aren't you glad I included all those other parts?
I blame my vivid dream on the fact that I have been taking lortab to get to sleep. So that I don't wake up on top of my arm in the middle of the night and say a painful curse word.
THEN SUDDENLY
I was at a summer camp with my old roommate Michelle, and we were really concerned about being able to shave our legs before we went to the camp cafeteria for lunch. Once we were on our way to eat, in the distance I could see a Moose. Pushing a lawn mower with its nose. Just you know, mowing the woods.
AND THEN
I was at home. And for some reason, a baby cougar and baby wolf kept getting into our house to play with our dog Lady. Which was distressing, because there was a giant scary bear outside skiing down the mountain who really wanted to be reunited with the baby animals. So I took a picture of the baby cougar. But the baby cougar was actually a baby human, dressed in a baby cougar costume. It never actually looked like a baby cougar.
AND THEN
It was suddenly a year later, and my cousin Alex and his wife Kristine had adopted the cougar baby. But the baby hadn't aged. (Mysterious.)
And then I woke up. And I remember thinking to myself, "I really need to blog about that dream. Mostly just the part about the moose mowing the lawn in the woods."
But aren't you glad I included all those other parts?
I blame my vivid dream on the fact that I have been taking lortab to get to sleep. So that I don't wake up on top of my arm in the middle of the night and say a painful curse word.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Perils of Do-It-Yourself
This post is going to be a little embarrassing. But, I believe in full disclosure, so here is the unabridged version of what exactly happened on Saturday, September 25th 2010. Which resulted in this:
4:15 PM: I decided it would be a good idea to do some laundry, wash some dishes, and possibly wax my eyebrows. I've been doing that myself for a few years, and had never yet had a bad experience.
4:33 PM: With laundry in the washer and wax in the microwave for 1:00 minute, I began doing some dishes.
4:34 PM: Microwave beeps. But the wax was still solid. So I put it back in for 1 more minute.
4:35 PM: Microwave beeps again. Apparently, the wax went from being a complete solid to wicked hot in 1 minute. I took the wax out of the microwave. My hands were wet from doing dishes. The container slipped out of my hands, and hot lava wax from hades spilled all over my arm.
4:35 PM: I instantly wisper-screamed "OUCH ..... SH!&" and looked at my arm in disbelief. The pain was intense. I don't know how else to describe it except to say that it was shocking. I then put my arm under some cold water. Please note that I had just been doing dishes, so I had to wait a few eternal seconds for the water to cool down.
Note: This is where it gets gross. Also, there is a picture of my burned arm a little further down. Don't say I didn't warn you.
4:36 PM: I began trying to peel as much wax off my burned skin as quickly and gently as I could.
4:37 PM: I peeled some skin off my arm on accident.
4:38 PM: I looked at what I just did, and refrained from barfing.
4:39 - 4:45 PM: I thought a little bit about my situation while I had my arm under the cold water, and called the emergency room to find out if I needed to come in. Of course, the emergency room recording says that they can't give medical advice over the phone. So I decided to use the immense knowlegde-base known as Google to find out what the crap I was supposed to do.
4:50 PM: According to a burn website I was directed to, I had some second degree burns, and needed to hold my arm under cool water for at least 20 minutes. So I went back to the sink and cooled my arm off some more.
5:00 PM: I returned to the interwebs to find out what the next step was. And I quote, "If any second degree burn is larger than the area of a quarter, seek medical attention immediately."
My arm looked like this:
And I would say that's at least a dollar bill.
5:05 I started making phone calls and sending text messages to people who might be able to drive me to the ER. I couldn't exactly drive myself without risking my skin falling off on the way.
5:20 No one responded who could actually help me. A few people texted or called to see if I was okay, but they were in Salt Lake for the broadcast.
5:25 After realizing it had almost been an hour since the initial burnage, I decided I needed to drive myself to the ER. So I grabbed an ice pack and said a little prayer that I would be able to make it to the ER safely (oxymoronic). I don't know if you have ever tried to drive your injured self to the ER, shifting with your good hand and steering with an extremely painful burned appendage, balancing an ice pack, in an ancient truck with a stick shift and no power steering, but personally I would say it was a CHORE. But how blessed I am to have had a vehicle in which to get myself some help.
5:35 Once I got to the ER (after entering the wrong way and almost getting into a head on collision) I saw a member of my bishopric there (med student). He asked me how I was. I told him I had a burn. And then I started sobbing.
The rest of the time table isn't as clear cut, so I'll just squish it all together. They took me back to get treated pretty quickly (take that, kid who came in because his face hurt. I HAVE A WOUND! I WIN!) and I didn't have to wait very long to see the doctor. He looked at my arm and said most of my burn was 1st degree (thank goodness) but that I did have a couple spots that would take a while to heal. He decided not to scrape off the rest of the wax, because it looked pretty clean and he said it would come off on its own. He DID make me get a tetanus shot. Because I guess that's important to do when you lose some skin.
The tetanus shot didn't even phase me. It was nothing compared to what I had just experienced. For anyone who has ever seen me interact with needles, you can attest that I must have still been in a state of shock.
The nursey nurse showed me how to take care of my burn, gave me a prescription for painkillers and sent me on my way. She was a nice lady. By that time one of my roommates had come to the ER to make sure I wasn't dead, and we merrily made our way home with my new hundred-dollar purple bandage. I might as well have wrapped my arm in 20's.
LONGEST BLOG EVER OKAY BYE.
Warning: Some of this is gross.
3:30 PM: All roommates and associates of mine leave the immediate area. Some went to the football game, some went to the Relief Society broadcast, some just felt like being unavailable, etc.
4:15 PM: I decided it would be a good idea to do some laundry, wash some dishes, and possibly wax my eyebrows. I've been doing that myself for a few years, and had never yet had a bad experience.
4:33 PM: With laundry in the washer and wax in the microwave for 1:00 minute, I began doing some dishes.
4:34 PM: Microwave beeps. But the wax was still solid. So I put it back in for 1 more minute.
4:35 PM: Microwave beeps again. Apparently, the wax went from being a complete solid to wicked hot in 1 minute. I took the wax out of the microwave. My hands were wet from doing dishes. The container slipped out of my hands, and hot lava wax from hades spilled all over my arm.
4:35 PM: I instantly wisper-screamed "OUCH ..... SH!&" and looked at my arm in disbelief. The pain was intense. I don't know how else to describe it except to say that it was shocking. I then put my arm under some cold water. Please note that I had just been doing dishes, so I had to wait a few eternal seconds for the water to cool down.
Note: This is where it gets gross. Also, there is a picture of my burned arm a little further down. Don't say I didn't warn you.
4:36 PM: I began trying to peel as much wax off my burned skin as quickly and gently as I could.
4:37 PM: I peeled some skin off my arm on accident.
4:38 PM: I looked at what I just did, and refrained from barfing.
4:39 - 4:45 PM: I thought a little bit about my situation while I had my arm under the cold water, and called the emergency room to find out if I needed to come in. Of course, the emergency room recording says that they can't give medical advice over the phone. So I decided to use the immense knowlegde-base known as Google to find out what the crap I was supposed to do.
4:50 PM: According to a burn website I was directed to, I had some second degree burns, and needed to hold my arm under cool water for at least 20 minutes. So I went back to the sink and cooled my arm off some more.
5:00 PM: I returned to the interwebs to find out what the next step was. And I quote, "If any second degree burn is larger than the area of a quarter, seek medical attention immediately."
My arm looked like this:
And I would say that's at least a dollar bill.
5:05 I started making phone calls and sending text messages to people who might be able to drive me to the ER. I couldn't exactly drive myself without risking my skin falling off on the way.
5:20 No one responded who could actually help me. A few people texted or called to see if I was okay, but they were in Salt Lake for the broadcast.
5:25 After realizing it had almost been an hour since the initial burnage, I decided I needed to drive myself to the ER. So I grabbed an ice pack and said a little prayer that I would be able to make it to the ER safely (oxymoronic). I don't know if you have ever tried to drive your injured self to the ER, shifting with your good hand and steering with an extremely painful burned appendage, balancing an ice pack, in an ancient truck with a stick shift and no power steering, but personally I would say it was a CHORE. But how blessed I am to have had a vehicle in which to get myself some help.
5:35 Once I got to the ER (after entering the wrong way and almost getting into a head on collision) I saw a member of my bishopric there (med student). He asked me how I was. I told him I had a burn. And then I started sobbing.
The rest of the time table isn't as clear cut, so I'll just squish it all together. They took me back to get treated pretty quickly (take that, kid who came in because his face hurt. I HAVE A WOUND! I WIN!) and I didn't have to wait very long to see the doctor. He looked at my arm and said most of my burn was 1st degree (thank goodness) but that I did have a couple spots that would take a while to heal. He decided not to scrape off the rest of the wax, because it looked pretty clean and he said it would come off on its own. He DID make me get a tetanus shot. Because I guess that's important to do when you lose some skin.
The tetanus shot didn't even phase me. It was nothing compared to what I had just experienced. For anyone who has ever seen me interact with needles, you can attest that I must have still been in a state of shock.
The nursey nurse showed me how to take care of my burn, gave me a prescription for painkillers and sent me on my way. She was a nice lady. By that time one of my roommates had come to the ER to make sure I wasn't dead, and we merrily made our way home with my new hundred-dollar purple bandage. I might as well have wrapped my arm in 20's.
LONGEST BLOG EVER OKAY BYE.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
A good Day.
I woke up this morning with my retainer tangled in my hair. If that's not an indication that today is going to be a good day, I don't know what is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)